When I was in college, my fraternity had a partnership with a nearby sorority wherein we'd send over one of our newer members to act as a "house boy." This guy's job would be to visit the sorority house a couple times a week and do menial chores, such as vacuuming and laundry. My sophomore year, that turned out to be me.

The sorority house had 8 residents or “housies." They were split among 4 bedrooms on the second floor, which were connected by a common hallway that led to the bathroom. The first floor had the living room, chapter room, kitchen, etcetera, and the laundry room was in the basement. All these areas became my responsibility.

I tried to be mature and respectful, but things went about as you would expect the first few weeks. Despite the free labor, some of the housies resented the lack of privacy from having a guy around so much. Whenever I’d knock on a bedroom door, there’d be a delay as the occupant got herself “decent” before letting me in to gather laundry or throw away trash. I never saw a housie anything less than fully dressed, even when hanging out on a lazy weekend. Even after a shower, they would come out of the bathroom fully dressed.

But as the weeks went on, the housies got more and more comfortable with me around. I started seeing them dress more comfortably around the house. T-shirts and jeans were replaced with tank tops and booty shorts. Bras became less and less frequent (except in their laundry, of course). They began wearing bathrobes and towels to and from the bathroom.

They stopped worrying about becoming “decent” before letting me into their rooms. I would often enter the room to find them in their underwear. Panties and loose-fitting tank tops were the most common sight. One girl, “Emily,” liked lounging around wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt. It was difficult not to stare at the shape of her body through the thin cotton. Another girl, “Ashley,” preferred a short Victoria’s Secret robe, which opened up at the side to reveal her bare leg all the way up past her waist.

The turning point came one day when I was visiting “Amber” to collect her laundry. She was wearing only a white bra and panties. As I picked up her laundry basket and turned to leave the room, I heard her call out to me. As I turned, she slipped off her bra and tossed it into the basket. I couldn’t help but stare at her perky b-cup breasts and small pink nipples. Her left nipple had a piercing. She giggled and made a halfhearted attempt at covering herself before shooing me out of the room. My heart was pounding the whole way down to the basement.

Amber must have shared this episode to her friends. All I know is that this type of thing became even more common among the other housies. It became a regular occurrence to enter a bedroom and see a pair of uncovered breasts. All of the housies acted completely casual, as if regularly being seen half-naked by their house boy was perfectly normal. But I think most of them began to have fun showing off and teasing me. By the end of the second month, I’d seen all 8 housies topless.

One day, I was visiting Emily to pick up her room. By this point, she’d told that I didn’t need to knock before entering her room, so I opened the door and walked right in. I was immediately greeted by the sight of Emily taking a nap on her bed. The blanket was down around her waist, and all of her that I could see was completely naked. The blanket was low enough so that I could make out the top of a neatly trimmed landing strip.

I couldn’t resist ogling her. He shapely c-cup breasts rose and fell as she breathed. Her skin was smooth and pale, and her body was well toned. I could make out the top half of a heart-shaped crotch tattoo peeking out from under the covers. What I couldn’t see was where I was stepping, and I accidentally sent a loud kick into her desk. She awoke with a start, but when she saw it was me, she relaxed and lifted her arms to stretch. Then she sat up and playfully twirled her finger, directing me to turn around. I did as ordered, and I heard her get out of bed and open her underwear drawer. This naked woman stood behind for what seemed like ages before she finally found a suitable pair of panties and told me it was okay to turn back around. “Only” seeing her in panties did little to calm my racing heart, and I hoped that my boner wasn’t showing through my shorts. It was all I could do to avoid falling down the stairs as I hauled her clothes to the basement.

Another turning point came midway through the third month. I was in the common bathroom and was getting ready to start cleaning. I’d just gotten onto my hands and knees when Ashley entered the room, wearing her blue cotton bathrobe. She said a casual hello, and as she spoke, she opened the knot to her robe, opened it up, and let it drop to the floor, leaving herself completely naked. I looked up at her from the floor in shock. I stared at the familiar sight of her perky breasts with pale, pointy nipples, and her smooth, tan skin. I also stared at the unfamilair sight of her pussy, which was level with my face. Her pubic hair was shaped in a natural pattern, and neatly trimmed. I could see her pink clit peeking out from between her lips.

My staring was cut short when she turned away from me and began to brush her teeth in the mirror. I tried to get back to work, but now I was looking at her firm round butt. It had a small beauty mark on one cheek and jiggled slightly as she brushed. I finally tore my eyes away and forced myself to concentrate on my menial task. After a few minutes, I glanced back at her and caught her looking at me through the mirror. She reminded me to clean behind the toilet, and turned to switch on the shower. She stood facing me as she waited for the water to get hot, watching me work, and giving me an extended full-frontal view of her naked body. It was all I could do not to gawp like an idiot. Finally, the water got hot enough, and she disappeared behind the shower curtain. It was then that I realized how little progress I’d made in my actual chore.

I left the bathroom before she finished her shower, and was met with a number of smiling faces peeking out from the bedroom doors. Apparently, they’d dared Ashely to go in and shower while I was inside. When they saw the look on my face, they all erupted into a fit of giggles. It seemed their dare had worked out just the way they wanted. I caught a few of them glancing curiously down at my crotch, and it was only then that I looked down and saw my boner pitching a huge, obvious tent in my pants. The sounds of their giggles followed me as I hurried down the stairs.

That’s all for now, but I have more stories from the rest of that year. After the bathroom dare, the housies became even more bold. They stopped dressing casually and began to actively tease me.

It’s been a weird year for me sexually. I got out of an almost decade long relationship filled with amazing sex that I never had to question. That does weird things to you when you get back out there.

I start liking the first person I go on a date with, like an idiot. The sex is fine. Serviceable. We’re both getting off, we both have an idea of what the other likes.

But he never really gets into it, never really let’s go. I ask him why and he says it’s “because of who you are”. Whatever that means. He says that he can’t fuck me the way he wants to, that he respects me too much.

I almost don’t want to ask the follow up question, but I have to know.

“Do you… respect women less after you fuck them?”

“No, of course not!” He’s offended. “That’s the really weird part. I don’t think that at all.”

I believe him. He asks me if I remember the scene in the Sopranos where Tony is talking about cheating on his wife Carmela. They ask him why he has a girlfriend.

“I do things with her I can't do with my wife.”

“Why can't you do them with your wife?”

“Hey, that's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?”

He says this is how most men feel about their girlfriends.

God. How did men get so fucked up?

I decide to hold my tongue on two things. One, I’m not your girlfriend. Two, that scene is actually from Analyze This.

I feel too sexual and not sexual enough all at once. Or like my sexuality is just wrong. The question of our sex becomes something that won’t go away.

I still fuck other people. Their desire feels good. They tell me all the things they like about my body, the things they like about how I am. Each one is a small bandaid. I go around collecting them, all slightly different colors. All too small and too surface to really do anything at all.

I know what they like. Each of them different, but also the same. I submit to each of them differently, but also kind of the the same. How can I not understand these things about him? It makes no sense. Sometimes I wonder if this is just me self-sabotaging, my favorite sport.

Somehow we start talking about having a threesome. I'm more curious than anything else.

I’m sitting at a table with him and a chick he was dating previously. Her dark hair is cut in cool way that frames her pretty face. I see her hands. I see the way her lips show her top teeth instead of her bottom teeth when she talks, a weird thing I’ve always liked. She continually surprises me during this conversation. We’re more similar than I thought we’d be.

It becomes more obvious that this is happening. We go back to his place. We’re all sitting on the couch. He kisses me, and then her. And then her and I kiss each other. She unbuttons my shirt and takes it off. She’s soft, but direct, which I like. I sense that we both have a similar enthusiasm for sex.

We move down to the floor with me ontop of her. It’s much softer than being with a man. I like it. A lot.

“Oh my god this is fucking amazing.” I say in between kissing her. “I can’t believe you get to be with women every time.” I say to him.

I’m not even sure where he is. This is so good that he has kind of ceased to exist. Every dude has ceased to exist. Swear to god, I might not go back.

Her and I move to his bed and we have the best 69 I have ever experienced. This feels so good. We’re both licking each other’s pussies and asses and it’s sending me into another dimension. I like the way she is- sexual, brave and shameless. I love the tattoos on her skin and how her body feels. I slip two fingers inside her and watch how she reacts. Her moans are soft and deep, coming from somewhere dark inside her.

I tell her that she has such a nice pussy. Going down on her is amazing. I could do it for days. I can’t get enough of me inside her. Hands, tongue. I wish my mouth was bigger so I could devour more of her. I hold my palm up near her face and tell her to lick it the way she likes her pussy licked. I want to know her. I want to know what she likes. I feel her tongue on my hand, it’s slow and broad. I match what she’s doing with my tongue on her clit. I try to burn it into my memory so I can do it how she likes over and over again.

I am high on lust and dopamine.

The highlights come back to me later:

Licking my entire palm and slapping her ass, hard. The way her ass looks with my hands on it.

Him grabbing the back of my hair and holding my head above his cock so I have to beg to suck his dick. Please let me. I want it in my mouth so bad. I need it.

Both of us wrapping our mouths around his cock together. Share, girls.

Her asking me to fuck her ass while he’s fucking her. I put my fingers in her ass and I can feel his cock inside her. It’s so dirty and twisted together and hot.

Me riding him and her getting behind me. Her nipple rings pressing against my back. My hands reaching around, desperate for her to be closer to me. Putting my fingers in her ass and pulling her into my rhythm.

Her moaning for him to wrap his hands around her neck.

Her telling him to press her into the mattress harder.

Watching her come for the first time. She curls up on the bed while we just watch her orgasm.

Her whispering how hot it was to see me ontop of him. It makes me feel seen and understood somehow.

Her dirty talk. Let me feel your big balls slap my pussy.

When he bends me over and fucks me from behind.

Both of us laying on the bed making out while he stands above us, getting himself close.

Him coming in her mouth, then mine, then on our faces. The way I lick it off her face and then rub our faces together while I kiss her. Laughing together about it. Its a shame he didn’t stay around to see this. It’s so fucking hot. But part of me is glad it ended how it started, with both of us women just wrapped up together, enough for one another. I remember we laughed together at the beginning too.

We sleep together, we wake up together. He fucks both of us, and comes inside me. We lay around for a little until he realizes he wants to fuck her again. He asks if he can fuck her and I say yes.

He always referred to some nebulous “kind of sex” he likes, but was never able to really able explain to me what it was. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was definitely not expecting to see something I recognized. He’s fucking her, well, the way I like to be fucked. It’s so strange to see him want someone, to enjoy sex as an act with someone else. I didn’t realize he was capable of having this kind of sex. He’s fucking her so hard, but they find pockets of tenderness together. She almost falls off the bed and he grabs her and says don’t worry, we’ve got you.

He’s comfortable with her. Saying what he wants. Doing what he wants. There’s a real connection I can feel. He puts their faces together, for me. He tells her to look at me and turns her face toward me. He can tell I like watching their faces. Pushed together, one on top of the other, but contrasting emotions. Hers of surrender next to his of force. Like sex versions of the comedy and tragedy masks.

Our faces are so close to each other. I can feel their breaths. The sunlight is breaking across her face and it’s so fucking beautiful. I thought watching would just be hot. I wasn’t prepared for how truly moving it would be. Its so incredible to watch people lost in that moment.

Afterward he tells me one of his favorite things during was just watching me watch them. The look of fascination on my face, how moved I was. That’s the shit they don’t tell you about a threesome. It can be the deepest, most moving sex you’ve had in a long time.