He's trying hard

2 days ago
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2 days ago

Asked my friend if he got a raise. He sent this

Guess it's safe to say that's a yes

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2 days ago
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2 days ago

What could it be?

2 days ago
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2 days ago

Not Again

2 days ago
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2 days ago

My “Going Away” cake from my last day at work at an IT company.

2 days ago
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2 days ago

Having children has its perks

2 days ago
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2 days ago

My father-in-law looks like the gramps from Up

2 days ago
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2 days ago

Two statues were standing in the park, one, a nude man and one, a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years.

One day an angel comes down from the sky and with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her. She looks at him. They go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel looks at his watch. "Um, you have fifteen minutes left… would you care to do it again?"

He asks her, "Shall we?"

She eagerly replies, "Oh! Yes, let's! But we should change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head!"

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2 days ago
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2 days ago

What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor (Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter)

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2 days ago
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2 days ago
Jokes > Puns

If having sex for money makes you a whore...

Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?

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2 days ago
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2 days ago

Religion is like having a penis

It's cool, until you whip it out and start shoving it other people's faces.

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2 days ago
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2 days ago

My girlfriend got angry that I had sex with a prostitute

I said “What else were you expecting, we hadn’t had sex in months”.

She said “Well I wasn’t aware you were willing to pay”.

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