TL; DR; : Wife of 19 years wants an “open marriage” and reveals she never had a physical attraction to me.

My wife and I, M/45 and F/45, have been married for 19 years. Our marriage has been unique to be sure but has always been built on what I thought was love and respect. A couple of days ago my wife admitted to me that has never found me particularly attractive physically and wants an “open marriage” while still being married. She admitted that she has been emotionally attached to several men, though nothing physical has ever happened. Being devastated is under statement. I have always put my wife first and have never pined or chased after anyone else. I am torn. I find the thought of being a “cuckhold” very galling and having the love of my life say she was never physically attracted to me to be life shattering. On the flip side at least I don’t come home to an empty house and I do have some form of companionship, even if it is superficial. I don’t want to go back to the dating pool mess. I don’t know what to do. Do I become a dutiful cuckhold and “rich roommate” or do I get divorced and we go our separate ways amicably? don’t know if I have the strength for a divorce, I have no emotional support where I live. This is a boiled down post of a very complicated relationship but things are coming to head where I am being forced to make a decision. Any thoughts and suggestions are welcome.

I ‘24F’ found my fiancés ‘26M’ Snapchat and NSFW Reddit accounts. They’re accounts I didn’t know existed. When I confronted him, he brushed it off and said it was just for porn. But he’s messaging other girls and asking for naked pictures.

For reference, we’ve known each other for 7 years and have been engaged for 2 years.

What do you think?

My (30M) boyfriend (30M) of 2 years is a self-proclaimed social butterfly and he truly is one of the most extroverted people I know. He’s very outgoing, funny, and loves being around people. Listening to this man try and participate in group conversations makes me want to scream. He has to follow-up every comment someone makes with mini-stories that revolve around him. It’s not just that, but he throws in little details to every story that are completely irrelevant, all while talking a million miles a minute. I can see people’s eyes glazing over and can taste their lack of interest by the quick chuckles and no follow-up questions. It truly embarrasses me.

Last night we were at a friend’s house for a low-key birthday party with charcuterie and some drinks. There were about 6 of us (myself and him included) sitting around the dining room table for most of the evening talking. We weren’t talking about anything serious or heavy – just about our weeks, recent vacations, things we had bought at TJ Max lol etc. My friend who was hosting pointed out this little end table he had bought last week. As soon as my boyfriend sensed a pause, he jutted in, “It reminds me of a table my Uncle Bill had at his house… well it was actually his ex-wife’s house… and I think her mom used to live there before she died of lung cancer… but his table had different legs on it and I don’t think it had a drawer”…. And everyone’s just like ….ok…… Just little things like that ALL EVENING. He has no brevity when he talks. He can’t just make a comment. He could’ve said “Oh my uncle used to have a table like that!” and that would have fit so much more naturally in the flow of the conversation.

Another example – one of our friends was talking about how she’s had to take her dog to the vet a lot recently because she was sick, didn’t get better, ended up getting labs, follow up appts etc. It was a conversation with the whole table – people asking questions as she was talking like “oh what were her symptoms?”, “was she vomiting at night or in the day time too?”, “what were they concerned for?” etc etc etc. My friend kind of ended the topic with saying how she’s glad her dog is better now and that all the vet visits were worth it to make sure it wasn’t something sinister. My boyfriend follows up with “my dogs hate going to the vet – I usually have to give them trazodone beforehand. One week when I was going on a work trip, aqua_shadow watched them and I think gave them gave them trazodone while he was gone to work so they wouldn’t be anxious and I think they like it too much now hahah” again…. Everyone’s like …. Ok…. And the rest of us just keep having A NORMAL CONVERSATION BECAUSE WE KNOW HOW TO DO SO.

How do I approach this? I’m legit starting to get embarrassed to bring him around people. He can’t make a brief statement of agreement, brief comment, brief anything. And he never asks any questions without the intent of following up with his story. I’m exhausted and embarrassed and need to know how to handle this. I think it will really hurt his feelings and deflate him.

It might sound a bit outlandish but yes you heard that correct. I have exams in 8 months that i really need to buckle down for, however my girlfriend is not helping. Ive shown this concern many times as im busy 5 days of the week and i need to at least start revision very very soon, if not right now. she is not nearly as busy as i am and shes beginning to distract me from my work and expects me to drop everything for her. I asked my mother about this and she said that my career is what keeps me stable and alive and therefore if im being severely held back then i should end things. i want to stay together with her because she makes me really happy but she needs to understand that i have to study but she keeps just coming over or spam messaging me, demanding attention and therefore i get literally nothing done. i take my studies and my career very seriously and its starting to jeopardise both. how would i go about bringing this up with her?

My friend goes through one scumbag boyfriend after another, she has horrible luck with guys. The last few months she hasnt dated anyone, which is odd for her, she hates being alone. My husband is a wonderful man, you couldnt ask for anyone better. She knows how happy he makes me and how awesome he it. I think maybe she's developed feelings for him, after all the crap she's dated I can see why she'd fall for someone she knows is a nice guy. I dont think she would ever try to "take" him or anything like that, it's just a little unsettling.

Lately whenever she wants to come over she's been asking me if my husband is working, what time he gets off, stuff like that and she only ends up coming over if he is here or going to be here soon. That's a new thing, she's never cared before if he was here or not. She also seems to be trying to get him alone (I admit this could just be my head messing with me), asking me to go out and get random stuff or asking him to drive her somewhere when normally she'd ask me. She's also been dressing up when she comes over. I'm used to seeing her in sweats and a T shirt but the last few months every time she comes over she's dressed like she's going on a hot date.

You guys think this could just be in my head or is it something I should worry about?

Sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes, I've been drinking.

Edit: oh and about a year ago we were all drunk and had a threesome.