You're not in a movie, racing against the clock to defuse something big and shiny to save the world, it's safe to take it down a notch. I've gained so much piece of mind from letting people get in front of me in traffic, not arguing over a dollar or two difference in price, not rushing or working hastily to meet the arbitrary goal of 'exactly on time' or 'to the penny'. If you aren't a church going person, this is your chance to pay your tithes in a much more constructive and objectively more direct fashion, love your fellow man...they often times need far less than 5 minutes of your time or $5.
People generally stay complacent in their position because it's comfortable, but they may be missing bigger and better opportunities.
When you are jobless and searching, you are often desperate to find anything that could fit your skills. This gives the employer all of the leverage.
If you are searching while you are currently employed, you can ask for so much more because you are "desirable." This gives you all of the leverage.
Instead of trying to similarly match your previous salary, you can make demands for 10-20% more money, more PTO, or other quality of life benefits.
If it all fails, you were in no less of a spot than if you hadn't looked.
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So many times I've stayed at houses and it's very awkward to open stuff like sealed TP, milk and juice cartons, tissues in the guest room--even after being told to help myself to anything needed. I buy new or extra stuff just for guests, but open it beforehand. Rip open maxi pad/tampon packages, take toothpaste out of the cardboard, remove the foil tops from lotions, leave at least two opened boxes of tissues around, etc. It takes the weirdness out of a guest waiting until 11 am the next day to meekly ask if they can actually use it, even if they already have been told to have at it. And it makes everything run smoother when we don't have to have conversations about why they needed something.
Edit: Clarification for the people fixating on the TP part of this: Of course I open toilet paper instead of quietly sitting in my own waste for the entire weekend for the sake of politeness, spreading my filth all over the furniture. But the host doesn't have to make it weird. If there's a pallet of TP sitting on top of your dryer, break me off a piece of that, and leave it on the back of the toilet. Be kind to your guests. Leave a couple rolls out.
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I once read that on flights, when they serve drinks in cups, you can ask for the whole can. Small thing, but it never occurred to me. I tried it – and it worked!
Another example: I’m currently looking for a new house. The previous owners had some really cool installations, and I was hesitant to ask if we could take them over. I did anyway – and they said yes, leaving them for dirt cheap!
Same goes for a career raise, sending an application or growth opportunities. Just ask!
The lesson? Sometimes just asking opens doors you didn’t even think about. Worst case, you hear “no.” Best case, you get something you didn’t expect!
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Some people’s brains tell them that certain activities don’t take any time to complete - the “Zero Time Activity” misconception. For example:
“We need to leave the house at 09:30 to arrive at our appointment for 10:00. Good. It takes 30 minutes to get there. Good. It is now 09:30. Let’s leave the house. All we need to do now is…”
- Nip to the toilet
- Find my coat
- Find my shoes and put them on
- Find my wallet/bag and check I’ve got what I need
- Get the kids in their coats and shoes
- Get in the car, strap the kids in
- Find the address of our destination
- Program the satnav
- Drive to the destination
- Quickly stop for fuel
- Find somewhere to park
- Walk to the destination from the place parked
Everything above - in the late person’s mind - has a duration of zero seconds
It goes without saying, but ever single activity above does actually take a small amount of time which all adds up. Once you internalise the idea that there isn’t such a thing as “Zero Time Activities”, you’ll notice that you start arriving on time.
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Ever been in a heated argument or faced someone who was unnecessarily aggressive? Instead of matching their energy, do the opposite & lower your voice.
People expect anger to be met with anger & when you respond calmly, it disrupts their emotional momentum.
It forces them to mirror your calmness, de-escalating the situation naturally.
It signals confidence & the most composed person in a conversation holds the most power.
Real-life example: A guy at the airport was yelling at the gate agent over a delay. Everyone around was tense. I simply said, “Hey, man, I get it, but yelling won’t fix it. What do you actually need right now?” His whole attitude changed. He sighed, nodded, and started talking normally.
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My in laws were born in the 30s and the last time we had a gathering, I put on a play list of hits of the 50s. Over the course of the evening, this brought back all kinds of memories and they regaled us with stories of youth we'd never heard before. It was a delightful window into that era of their lives.
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